Obviously these are not real rules, but I found this somewhere else and found them pretty funny.

New Nascar Rules


* After each caution, the car will run the opposite way ... caution - clockwise - caution - counter clockwise - caution - clockwise ... etc.

* Earnhardt, Jr., has to drive with a passenger ... preferably a sumo wrestler ... for extra weight.

* Potty pit stops during a half time.

* No more champagne in Victory Lane. A special Jeff Gordon whine will be used.

* The 'wider is better' Pontiac will be narrowed since NASCAR has discovered the reason Pontiac widened the car was to accommodate Tony Stewart's ego.

* Races will be shortened to 7 laps so Rusty Wallace can finish on the lead lap on at least one time this season.

* There will be a 15 minute half time break so Tony Stewart can get a snack ... better make it a 30 minutes.

* Cars with handicapped plates shall pit in specially marked blue pit stalls.

* Depends Undergarments announced it will sponsor a car for the 2002 season. For the betterment of the sport, NASCAR forbids Dick Trickle to be named the owner.

* To ward off an approaching sexual discrimination lawsuit, NASCAR mandates at least one member of each sexuality will be represented on each team ... Male, Female and Jeff Gordon.

* Top speed is out! The cars starting positions will depend on how pretty the car is. If it's ugly they will vote on who gets provisionals, the ugliest car goes home.

* The winner of a race will be determined by who picked the winner in NASCAR ROCKS ... if no one picked a winner, straws will be drawn ... the straw draw also holds true for second on back.

* Because of Political Correctness, no discrimination against the handicapped will be permitted. This shall be called the Jeff Gordon Rule.