The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
and shouts back,
"You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!"says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even
more.? She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her
ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said,? "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman
pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded
to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!
Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren,
the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn
and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back,
"IT'S A SCARF!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her >>> turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her
question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name,
can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
FINALLY,
A girl was visiting her blonde friend,
who had acquired two new dogs,
and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying
that one was named Rolex
and one was named Timex.
Her friend said,
"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond.
"They're watch dogs!"
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hhahahahah now that's funny.. ok so i'm going to guess you're neither a blonde or a redhead?
LOL correct!!! Brunette (but I was a blonde as a child so I do have an occasional blonde moment or two!!!!)
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Please you blondes, don't be offended or mad at me!!!
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs.
She decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!
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A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. ”You know what?" says the 6 year old. "I think it's about time we started cussing. "The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues,
"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell, and you say something with ass." The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK!!!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, Gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His Mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old and asks with astern voice, "And what do you want for breakfast, young man? "I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios."
OK, maybe it's not the funnest joke ever, but can you do better? Yes this is a challenge Any takers??? Come on post a funny joke here, I double-dog dare you!!
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Golfing with an older man
One day Elliott Sadler, an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in nine holes before he had to head out to the track for practice. Just as he was about to tee off Dale Jarrett shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany Elliot as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the older Jarrett to join him.
To his surprise Dale played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time. Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and Elliott found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot, Dale said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, Elliott swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
Dale Jarrett offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only three feet tall."
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Last edited by chef matt : 07-08-2006 at 06:22 PM.
one day a guy walks into a bar and sits down to order himself a drink. He looks behind the bartender and sees a jar crammed full of $50.00 bills. He asks the Bartender why so much money in the jar?
The Bartender replies" Its a contest that we have here that nobody has ever won and so the pot keeps growing."
The customers curiosity gets the better of him and he asks what the contest is about.
The Bartender replies "there are three parts to the contest. First you must drink twenty five shots of our strongest tequila in a 1/2 hour.
Then we have a pitbull chained up out back with a toothache. You have to remove the bad tooth and bring it to me. Then we have and old woman upstairs that has not been made love to for 50 years. You must go up there and have sex with her and the money will be yours.
The customer pulls out his $50.00 to ante up for the contest as the bartender lines up the twenty five shots of her strongest tequila.
The customer uses up the entire half hour to consume all the tequila that has been placed before him.
Obviously drunker now than he has ever been before in his life, the customer asks which way to the dog.
The bartender obliges him and helps him to the door leading outside.
A silence falls over the bar as the painful screams and yelping come from behind the building. This continues for several minutes until a bloodied and clothing torn man emerges into the bar and asks" Now where's that old woman with the toothache?
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(but I was a blonde as a child so I do have an occasional blonde moment or two!!!!) 
Any takers??? Come on post a funny joke here, I double-dog dare you!! 
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