A few friends were riding around one night drinking some beer. They see a road check up ahead and start to panic. The driver says follow what I do. Drink all your beer down. They all do. Peel the label off your bottles. They all do. Place the label on your forehead. They all do. When they pull up to the check point the officer looks in the car at the guys with the beer labels on their heads and asks "have you guys been drinking tonight?" The driver replies "No sir" and points to his forehead and says "We're on the patch" LOL
> New enlightenment! Never say you will NEVER wear an ear ring!!
>
> A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is
>wearing an earring.
>
> The guy knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative, macho
>fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in fashion sense.
> He walks up to him and says, 'I didn't know you were into earrings.'
> 'Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring,' he replies
>sheepishly.
> His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity
>prods him to ask, 'So, how long have you been wearing one?'
> ''Ever since my wife found it in my truck.'
__________________ Auto racing, bull fighting and mountain climbing are the only real sports... the rest are just games........ Earnest Hemmingway
Three women die together in an accident
And go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says,
'We only have one rule here in heaven: Don't step on the ducks!'So they
enter heaven, and sure enough,
There are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step
on a duck,
And although they try their best to avoid them,
The first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with
the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says,
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to Spend eternity chained to
this ugly man!'
The next day,
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck
And along comes St. Peter,
Who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man.
He chains them together
With the same admonishment as for the first woman. The third woman has
observed all this and,
Not wanting to be chainedFor all eternity to an ugly man, is very,
VERY careful where she steps.She manages to go months
Without stepping on any ducks,
But
One day St.Peter comes up to her
With the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... Very tall, long eyelashes, muscular.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.The happy woman says,
'I wonder what I did to deserve being Chained to you for all of
eternity?' The guy says,
'I don't know about you,
But I stepped on a Duck.
__________________ Auto racing, bull fighting and mountain climbing are the only real sports... the rest are just games........ Earnest Hemmingway
A talking horse shows up at Dodger Stadium and persuades the manager to let him try out for the team. In his first at bat,the horse rips the ball deep into right field- then just stands there. Run! Run! the manager screams. "Run?"says the horse. "If I could run, I'd be in the Kentucky Derby."
__________________
Just when I think you said the stupidest thing ever .....You keep talking To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
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