Post a joke

A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends £5,000 and
feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops in a
newsagents and buys a paper.

Before leaving, he says to the assistant, "I hope you don't mind me asking,
but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually
57," the man says, feeling really happy.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the spotty faced
individual behind the counter the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you
look
about 29". "I am actually 57."

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same
question.
She replies, "I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was
young, there was a sure way of telling a man's age. If I put my hand down
your jeans and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell
you your exact age."

As there was no one around, the man thinks, what the hell and lets her slip
her hand down his jeans. Ten minutes later, the old lady says, "Okay, it's
done. You are 57."

Stunned, the man says, "That was brilliant. How did you do that?"
The old lady replies, "I was behind you at McDonalds."

Roll on the floor laughing

hahahahahahahaah that was good hahahaha

Come on people

Put your favourite jokes up

GREAT joke!

I went to the store yesterday, and I was in there for only about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a [#@!$] motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a piece of horse s**t. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!
This went on for about 10 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.

I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ryan Newman, Daytona 500 Champion!!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahah Dying Hahaha

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

that was funny as hell!! Thanks for that one, Mrs.Mopar12!

__________________
Nothin' better than #9!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Qantas Airlines Gripe Sheet

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the
flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the
problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
remedial action was taken, and the pilots review the gripe sheets
before the
next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack
a
sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline
that has
NEVER had an accident :

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)

(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.



P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.



P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.



P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.



P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.



P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.



P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what they're there for.



P: IFF inoperative.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.



P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.



P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding
on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Ryan Newman, Daytona 500 Champion!!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

hahaha very nice mrsmopar!

__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 5 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.